A Masquerade Ball;

This is a very sad neglected blog (: Oh well, all the better. The less people read, the more personal I get! Haha you know blogs that have mega hits? Usually half the time they talk crap. USUALLY. HALF THE TIME. :D

Anyway, I was trying to figure out who I am. And what I do. And stuff like that, self identity crisis. Then Banana said the most intelligent (in her whole life haha kidding) thing. She said , (because I was having some self esteem problem too) 'If you let something define who you are, that will be your limit and you'll never surpass it' Okay she actually said it much better, but something along those lines (: And I thought how true. Maybe I should just live life, and stop thinking about my pride. It's the beginning of the new season. As insecure I am on main 7, just this evening I just felt this sudden burst of enthusiasm and excitement. Something to do with unlimited energy, hundred percent concentration, and heart-pumped determination (: That's a fine concoction, don't you think? And I suddenly feel that with God I can do anything. Sometimes I think 'Yeah right' But today I'm exceptionally optimistic. Haha! And I just realised also that there are many things we can learn from people. Their experiences, and most of all, their perspectives.

I feel like launching into a complain-session about how 'stresstful' academics have been, but I think not. Just that I feel I'm not as well-read as I'm supposed to be. I thought North Korea was communist. But really, what do you define a communist state? A state whose ruling party declares its communist ideals? It's quite complicated. I think the world is complicated. But you know, in the most idealistic world, communism will work out fine. All the flaws of communism surfaces due to things like greed, (in fact the very desire to adopt communism reveals people's desires for materialistic equality), which are supposed 'human nature'. But it's not. It seems like it only because we are brought up in a world like that. I mean, those tribes in rural areas? They actually SHARE their limited food sources. (: Because the crux of humans is not greed or, envy or gluttony. It's actually pure kindness. So imagine this, the whole world dies, and a new generation of infants are miraculously born, miraculously brought up. Wow, that's how communism thrives. And that was what I learnt on the first History lesson of the year. (: And Biology cracks me up. I am super immature I know, but hey I know all of you are on the verge of laughter too okay! :D

I'm addicted to books. That's quite stupid, don't you think? And I quite like the phrase 'For the love of God' instead of 'Oh my God' but actually, saying the word God, is already blaspheme. And I watched Da Vinci Code yesterday, it is quite interesting. I will definitely take a closer look at the Supper portrait the next time I visit the Louvre. (:  

I pray that God will rid me of jealousy.

If i walk, would you run?
If i stop, would you come?
If i say you're the one, would you believe me?
If i ask you to stay, would you show me the way?
Tell me what to say so you don't leave me.
The world is catching up to you
While you're running away to chase your dream
It's time for us to make a move cause we are asking one another to change
And maybe i'm not ready

But I'll try for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
We've been hiding enough

If i sing you a song, would you sing along?
Or wait till i'm gone, oh how we push and pull
If i give you my heart would you just play the part
Or tell me it's the start of something beautiful.
Am i catching up to you?
While your running away to chase your dreams
It's time for us to face the truth cause we are coming to each other to change
And maybe i'm not ready

HIIIII, CAMP WAS AWESOME, KELONG WAS AWESOME :D Going back to OC is like going home, and all the people there, always my family (: Camp was really awesome spiritual encounter with God. It was really what I needed to know (: And I've been doing QT okay! I'm so proud of myself. Hahaha (:

Kelong was omega. Toilets were bleah though. Ew ttm. But I'm clean freak so you shouldn't trust me. Anyway, I didnt catch any big fish!! Despite being under the sun for 3 frigging days straight! And got my feet all sunburtn! I'm going kelong next year, and I AM going to catch a big fish. By hook or by crook. And the big fishies will NOT snap my line, and take my bait right under my nose! Hahaha! Or I will go Deep Sea Fishing :D Heheeee, but anyway the company was awesome. AND OMG OMG OMGGGG, I saw a shooting starrrrr! And I wished! Yayy, how cool right! I'm really happy :D Star Gazing Groupppp ftw! And I love the sea breeze, and laughing till my stomach ache (which happened many times at Kelong) I love waking up, and seeing all these people I love spending time with. Its amazing that we had spent almost 10 days with each other straight, seeing each other day and night, and still cannot get enough of it (: Will miss you guys ttm!

Oggay basically, WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE IT. :D

OMG I know I'm being such a fangirl but JGS!! He's so cute! :DD HAHA! When he smiles (: I just spent the night watching You're Beautiful! It's so awesome how they managed to put in all the AW, HAHAHA and super sad scenes all into two episodes! I LOVE THE PARODIES, and the chuwahae parts. HAHA but anyway JGS is super super cute when he smiles/laughs. Cuter than LMH! Ohh, and I watched all the Etude House CFs too. Omg, they are so freaking weird, but funny :D Hehe, oh shit, I'm becoming such a fangirl.

CHU-WA-HAE.

Light; Darkness; Shadows

I see the feedback count dropping every time I visit my Xanga Home (: Haha, no surprise. I've been busy with important events of the three important things in my life clashing in one week (: And another important event the week before! Hahaha, PSB Night, PSLTC, Netball Camp and CmPS Finals. Well, PSB Night was really fun! We were quite worried at first that it would all yknow, not work out and stuff like that. But it was quite okay! :DD And I love OT! It was my best OT experience (: Haha! PSLTC was fun too :D Um, we had groups and stuff like that, and like we had all those training. Which I thought wasn't as mundane as last year's (heh), and nightwalk, :D Yep, which was quite fun cause we were the ones scaring. Okay, but I did a terrible job. I can't scare people! I get scared. HAHA

Netball Camp was exhausting but fun! (: My feet/legs hurt damn bad though. for the first training we did lots of sprints, then we went to Taka for Lunch + a game. Then back to CCAB for training. And then, WALK. WALK, back to school. Omg, I didnt walk so much in my whole entire life. (okay, not really but it was a lot of walking!!) And then we had Amazing Race @ Orchard after that. Double exhaustion okkkk. Walked from Far East all the way to Orchard Central. (: But still quite fun! The next morning we had light training and appraisal. Yay I love appraisal. :D Sadly, my last Netball Appraisal. Sigh, you know I'm already so depressed I'll be leaving rg in a year.

CmPS was hmm. HAHA, stayed over at Mary's. Which was actually quite fun, her hosue has this really comfy feel. Okay but during Set Up I messed up like crap. Omg, scrap book was so so bad. I want to die. The interview today was okay. As in, I really really wanna go to US, but then I know that we may not deserve it kinda thing? And maybe its something good for me if we don't get in? Like, I don't really have the passion. Okay, I suck. ): BUT, I'm actually quite determined now.

Oh yeah, street netball is really fun yknow. But it made me miss church TWO SUNDAYS in a row. AND AND, they made us go back on a Sunday to play the Finals at Kallang, which was two rg teams against each other. Yknow how dumb that sounds! We can play like any time in school! But anyway, we all went home with big money, and milo (Grace walked 45 min home wit like a 5kg milo hamper!!), and Mrs J was very happy (: Yeah we were happy too!

Oh, and then I have to tell you about our (Diana, Becky, Cumtell) fail attempt to watch 2012.  We walked up to Vivo Cinema, and then we walked down, and halfway we decided to go back up to the Cinema ( and we did that another time) and then we went to Lido. Which was ridiculous cause all the time slots were booked. Okay why do everyone wanna see the fictional way of our dying world? I am still dying to watch My Girlfriend Is An Agent with Iliana! :D So after that we just went for Dinner, and played Truth & Dare, which was quite memorable :D

OH YES, You're Beautiful!! This KDrama, is getting better than Boys Over Flowers. HAHA, okay now I have 3 favourite Kdramas - Princess Hours, BOF & You're Beautiful. :D

But if I disappear from your life, would you notice?

And I'm thinking two is better than one

HI, I'm quite happy. I did quite a lot today - CmPS letters, PSBN reminders, PSBWebsite (sorta), Ordering of Badges. :D AND, I got back my GPA which I was really happy about (: And today was fried food day. Hahaha

I just finished the first five episodes of You're Beautfiul. I STILL THINK BOF IS NICER! Hahaha, I'm probably gna start on Iris soon. Geez, I'm supposed to be doing useful things. OH but I finally found time to cut my hair today. Anyway, I don't really care about my hair. Hahaha

Ohoh, I went to the museum on Sundayy!! Finally, alone though cause no one wants to go to the museum ): anyway, it was really interesting! I'm going again during the hols WITH my DSLR. Ohh there are some part that are super scary, like its totally dark and stuffs. Hahaha, I still have my day-of-photography to go (:

Saturday was JAMming (: Haha get it, get it! :D Anyway, we relived childhood memories or something. Played Freeze&Melt + Hide&Seek, which was really fun kk. (: I'm really glad we've all grown closer this year.

Sometimes its hard for me to let things go, to trust God to help me with my shit. I know that he works miracles, but when challenges pop up, the first thing I do is to find a way to solve it myself. I've also realised there's this shit in my life that God has really helped me the past few weeks, when I decided to let go. When shit happened, I prayed. And it turned out right, sorta. And I feel bad, cause I was pretending I didn't have such a shit, on Saturday. I was lying, I think I have more of this shit than some people. But anyhow, I'm not really afraid anymore. (:

We're balancing on a needle; Attractions unsaid and unsure; No spoken confessions, only guesses; But I'll gladly play along; Just to keep you in my bittersweet song.