People think I've abandoned this blog, and rightfully so. The last time I posted was... August. Anyway I've been so terribly busy recently and Grad Night just ended! Well this may the only post left in this year so I'll just spill whatever I have!

Promos. Promos turned out surprisingly good. I had very little time to study due to my utter lack of discipline. But by God's grace, we churned out an AABBD. Except for the D, which was Math, and completely deserved, the rest were really unexpected. Okay, maybe not so much GP and History, but Lit came as quite a pleasant surprise. I scored C- for the assignment, one of the 7 lowest scores in the entire HP. It was quite a blow and I swore I would get a B. And I guess God decided I needed a confidence boost and so with His grace, it went up to an A :) But yes, there is definitely pressure to excel the next time. The worst thing is, I don't even know how I scored well. It wasn't as if I did anything different. I'm not a genius and I know I wouldn't have such good grades again, but occasional success is sweet. 

And so this holiday so far was jam-packed with Grad Night prep. Because of Grad Night I didn't manage to go to Bhutan. But I really enjoyed those weeks with the GN people so I'm not regretting it that much :) I don't think I would be able to determine if Grad Night was a success or not. It is difficult to tell. I'm wondering if the J2s had fun. I hope they did and didn't get too pissed off with us trying to keep to the program by switching off the lights and chasing them into the ballroom. Several hiccups here and there that bothered me quite a bit, but ah well, I guess I'll get over it. Clearing up was a mess! We had so little time and everyone wanted to stay longer to take pics and stuff but we all had to rush out. Frankly speaking, I was taken rather aback as well. But I'll say Grad Night, as a whole and not only the night itself but the planning etc, was a success because I've had such an amazing committee. <3 Ten years down the road I wouldn't even remember the program, but I'll always remember how they made my council term. 

And so, one more month left. I've promised the boy that I'll spend time with him, but I also gotta study. I have approximately a week left to study, because I'm going away for two whole weeks in December! Then there's Orientation & Open House prep ): And not to mention, my department function - Homecoming. Meanwhile, I'm also trying to fulfill my dream. :) I'm a little wary that I dream too big sometimes. 

Man hands on misery to man

Wow, haven't been here in a long while! Well, the Paris Humanz Trip was really exciting, I mean it's Paris! No matter what, there'll always be something nostalgic about that place (: OK! Well something I'll like to share!

Have you wondered why our Kindness campaigns never work? Well, firstly, I don't even think it should be termed "kindness" because usually what these campaigns promote is "courtesy". But you often get campaigns that go like "do a kind act today and give your seat up" or something. But that has been largely ineffective. What we have to do is to entrench in peoples' minds that these acts of courtesy does not stem from kindness but from basic human decency. It should not be regarded nor championed as something that requires one to "go out of the way", or something that reflects a certain good will, but instead, should be considered a thing that you just do. And you do it because it's the right thing, and because it is how humans should behave. Giving up your seat on the bus is not something kind, it's simply relinquishing your right to that seat because someone else deserves it more than you do. Likewise, charitable works should not be regarded as something that you do because you're oh so kind, but because it is your social duty. That does not mean you cannot derive certain gratification from it. It's not the same. (: I'm a little discombobulated so pardon me. And yes I know I sound a little too self-righteous. 

Short post, gotta jet off and start ticking things off my to-do list! Yeah right, that never happens ):

On this barren road

Oh the misery. My hotmail account has been blocked ): I can't access it because in order to retrieve it, the hotmail administrator would send a security code to my alternative address, but my alt add (which also happens to be hotmail) was deleted last time without my knowledge ): And I can't change the alt address. Argh, damn damn double damn. There goes all the articles Mr R/Sowden sent to us, and I gotta ask all of the HP teachers to add me back into the yahoogroups so I can access all the exam material. And I also gotta be added into the council yahoogroups. I've used that fooyihui94@hotmail.com for 3 years! ): I'm sentimental. Anyway, my email now is fooyihui94@gmail.com so if you have any important stuff to send to me, you know what to do. 

At twilight on May 30, I was groaning about having to wake up at 6, and having to experience gross toilets etc. BUT, camp was kickass fun! My group was pretty darn fun too. We weren't exactly super enthu or anything of that sort, but I loved how lepak and fitting we were. Oggay I don't really know how to describe it. Heh. Oh oh and I learnt Felix's tectonic move! Grace & I are super ready to go partaying, thanks to Felix :) Oh moving on, the toilets weren't that bad. Apparently the guys had it a lot worse. And sleeping in tents wasn't too bad either! It's better than sleeping on the classroom floor. But the tent was just a tad too short so Grace and I were pretty cramped up in the tent :/ All of us were just pumping sugaaa biscuits & milo into our stomachs cause they were the best food around :) For the activities, we did outdoor cooking, trekking, dragon boating, reforestation and rafting. The food we cooked were quite tasty oggay, dont pray pray man. Hahaha almost comparable to Haw's Kitchen teehee. Trekking was kinda boring though. I navigated for a period, and I was super blur! I didn't know I was holding the GPS the wrong way! But ah well, it all turned out well. We had to trek across this rubbish fill though. It was quite dreadful but I guess it kinda made me more appreciative of what I have here at home (: I'm quite weak though, so I kinda suck at dragon boating. Hahahaha there was this part when we had to take turns to row in pairs, then when Grace & I were rowing, the boat was drifting backwards! Heh heh my bad my bad. But when the buff-lords rowed, zoooom we sped ahead hehe and btw, my group won both the races! Yay! Oggay, we had manpower advantage though. Reforestation was fun! Oggay I bet you're thinking what the hell is that, because that was what I thought! Basically, with mangrove seedlings in hand, we gotta plant them in the river beds. Well first we had to take these small lil sampan boats to the river beds. And that was fun already. Wind in the face and all that. The soil was really mushy & gross but that was the fun factor I suppose! And we had this hilarious guide called Syed who kept suan-ing Grace and me. ): After that, we built our own raft with barrels, poles etc. Ours didn't float though we had a brilliant albeit complicated design, because we didn't tie the components together tight enough. :/ Hmm, overall at the end of camp I kinda liked the carefree, kampung kinda feel? Like although the buses were quite dingy, I liked that the doors and windows were open :) And while we were riding back to the terminal across the hills and plains, we could see the expansive fields that stretched across terrain, the threshold to blue skies, and the edge of the clouds' shadows. You know when you look out of the window, and you see the vastness of space, for a moment you just feel infinite. (Infinite is my pet word now btw) Oggay maybe it's quite heavily romanticized because I'm just visiting there, but yeah (: It felt nice. Nice. Nice is overrated. But underrated at the same time (: People say nice all the time. But not many grasp the spirit of nice. It goes beyond just plain nice. It gives a sense of contentment. Anyway, I had a super super fun time with my group! Grace especially :> Hehehoho! 

I can't wait for Paris! :D We're flying off tonight. TONIGHT'S GNA BE A GOOD GOOD NIGHT! Yan lin is so kiut I swear! You should see her email to me hahahaha I was cracking up :) 

Before I set off for camp, my family had this major htht which was very comforting (: My family is not the type that is there for each other all the time, but we are there for each other when the need arises. :) Of course we have our difficulties, but when crises strike, we always stand together :) Like when I was in Sec 1 and I was shamefully denounced, my daddy offered to explain to the teacher, and my mummy bought macaroons for me :>  And when I got disfigured they both rushed to the hospital, although they were a bit pissed I called my aunt and not them :/ Anyway, that night, I learnt that sometimes we don't wanna step back in our moment of fury. In my fit of anger, I become guarded and self-righteous. I think I'm right, so I have to right to be angry, and so I'm not gna stop being angry, because if I do, I'll be losing out. I'll be losing to the other person. But what I've learnt is that when I step back, I don't lose. I win, because I see something that is greater, and more than just myself. 

And daddy told me not sing to the tune of others. Which was roughly the same message that Daren sent to me. At the end of the day, it's not about who we are now. It's about who we want to be, the values we want to have, that defines who we are. If we go around searching for who we are, we don't find anything. Because ultimately, I don't think that's how one would assume an identity. Who we are depends on what we do now, which is shaped by who we want to be. And so now, even though I'm tempted, there's a voice inside my head (cliched) that knows where I want to go, who I want to be, and that voice stops me from chasing delusions and the ephemeral. And sometimes I can get pretty short-sighted, feeling that I'm lagging behind the league, but actually, there is no real league. Not all things can be compared. Not everything is a race. Because we're all going in different directions anyway. I wouldn't call life a race, life is a journey. Instead of looking at other people's lives, comparing and competing, I've learnt that maybe I should zoom out my lenses, and take things into perspective. Somehow, it's more peaceful, and it makes the circumstances more amicable. 

And then Daren went to talk about a whole lot of stuff about relationships which was rather enlightening and also about homosexuals :) Booyeahh, I've got an intelligible argument for class discussions now! 

More than just a 'hello'

High above the chimney tops

Life has been hell hectic! Assignments, essays, one after another. I've been keeping late nights which can't be any good for my health :/ Netball has been physically draining too. I get home all tired, sleepy restless and the only thing I wanna do is to lie in bed forever.

So anyway, one of the biggest and most exciting event on the calendar this month - elections! I used to quite like politics, but now I find it a bother. Politics is like a construct. It's a childish game that causes even the smartest, most respected to resort to dirty tricks and face-slapping rhetorics. I can't stand gerry-mandering, fear-eliciting threats and smear tactics. Civility is key. That's why in this Elections, the people who gained my utmost respect are those who remained civil, rational, gracious and understanding. Ah, of course, when one speaks of someone with such high moral character, one must be referring to George Yeo. :> It is a pity he bore the brunt of MBT & WKS & LKY's mistakes, and was made the scapegoat to quell the unhappy, displeased and dissatisfied voices in the electorate. He was really really good. That's it, just plain good. He made the effort to connect with us, so that we may also know him personally through his facebook, twitter etc. He was sincere in his dealings with the people. And most of all, he had a brain, a god damn good one in fact, and a huge, humbled heart. <3 Okay, moving on, I actually did go for a Workers Party rally on Wednesday at the Ubi Road field. (argh had my shoes ruined) Hmm I must say I was a little caught off-guard with the amount of supporters the WP amassed, and the number of anti-pap citizens. I thought Sylvia Lim spoke the most sense though she received the least cheers. The rest of the speeches were simply appealing to the senses of the audience, which was a v effective strategy in galvanizing the crowds I think. Another smart trick was the sale of their merchandise (WP umbrellas). And also the lights, whistles, and hammers. They gave the WP powerful presence, and the perception of influence & capability. But I wasn't quite moved by their speeches. Rather, I found myself pretty critical and cynical of what was said/promised during the rally. Hmm, something that should require deliberation over. Does that mean I've become elitist? I really hope not. :/ The excuse can of course be that I'm just a pragmatist. Or perhaps I'm too headstrong in the belief that the PAP is the best party around. Well, for now, I think a PAP-dominated government speckled with a few opposition members is sufficient and effective. The PAP ought to review its approach though, and it probably will. The trend that favours the Opposition is worrying. I hope people had made informed decisions. That's one of the most glaring discrepancies in democracy. Does everyone deserve the right to vote? Do people vote according to self-interests or according to national interests? Is self-interest and national interest analogous? I was disappointed by people who voted with their hearts, but without their heads. And lastly, the tone that many netizens adopted to discuss their perspectives on the web was purely vile. They were too opinionated, and their views too biased. Maybe because they really were the ones feeling the strains of income disparity, rising prices, etc, but that is no excuse to be disproportionate in their outlook. I was slammed simply by defending the PAP, despite even including several points substantiating the Opposition. ): Anyway I hope in 2016, elections will be less nerve-wrecking and mind-boggling. By then, I will be able to vote. (:

Oh, and I think people are unduly hard on the PAP. For eg, when a member of the PAP throws a personal attack at an Opposition member, it's considered ignominy. But when the Opposition does it, hah, it's a different picture. Trust me, I was at the rally. They were unfairly derisive of many PAP members - from LKY (who, by the way, we owe everything we have to, as much as we dislike his high-handed talk-down approach) to SM Goh to WKS (even though he might deserve it heh). But instead, those personal attacks were regarded with enthusiasm. In addition, Singaporeans expect the PAP to be perfect. (Well, I think the PAP has a hand in perpetuating that kind of mentality considering what they've promised eg home ownership etc) They nitpick on the mistakes of PAP (although some are really pertinent issues like housing omg) and overlook their achievements. But anyway, I'm just saying that some of the issues like spiralling prices is really quite difficult to handle because we're not the Soviet Union, and the government doesn't get to decide on the prices of our food.

You know I just realized it's not so much the mistakes you make the define who you are, but it's what you do best that does. Oggay this might be simply logic for most people, but yeah. Like usually when I play netball, I get so hung up on the mistakes I've made like miss-passes, miss-catches, etc and end up playing worse. What really matters is not the mistakes but on the whole, how I am on court. My strength, my speed, etc.

Back tracking (or back trekking?), council camp was good! I've been through military camp baby! Besides having to dash to wherever the moment we wake up, pumping, and getting into role calls, it really honed my mental strength (: The day I ended council camp, I had to complete my IH term paper due the next day right? It was the perseverance and determination I learnt at council camp that endured me through (:

I think I'm really starting to let go, and learning to enjoy whatever and whoever that's in my life now (: I'm also trying to love the people I don't like. Which proves extremely tedious. :/ But God works in mysterious ways :>

Sweet Child O' Mine never fails to get me rockin'

Today the ground just suddenly gave way and my shoes wore out. I realized that nothing had gone right this year, not in my terms at least. The exception being having gotten into SC. But other than that, everything has been pretty messed up. But I had been wearing these shoes, call them protections of optimism, or escapism. Even though I've been hitting the roof, I've just somehow gotten by. With the everyday, care-free and light conversations, or simply well-worn hopes and idealistic perseverance. Maybe it's better, maybe it's not. At least, all those alienated me from worries, fears or depression. Other than that, I'm still trying to figure out how I'll ever break out of this brick-laden ceiling.

But I'm thankful I've made and met wonderful friends. Particularly those from my class (: We share the same fears, pain, and troubles. And I'm glad I know I can always count on you (: Share, sharing, shared.

Well, I'm starting to have a sense of twisted connection with Disgrace (: Other than that, I've not begun on my PI. There are a million other things I would prefer to do. Like reading the books that have steadily piled up on my desk, or actually returning my overdue library books (for the love of G, I wish there was a library nearby). I wish I could sleep all day, all day. Or watch some television. I envy people like Aron who seems to be re-watching the entire HIMYM series?!

No weeping, no hurt or pain; You hold me now